Mother's Day has me thinking not only about my mother, but of all the women in my life. I've met some pretty remarkable ladies in my day. My mother is a marvelous mixture of nurturer and butt-kicker. My sister has more courage and determination than anyone I know. One of my aunts lived through a family tragedy with amazing dignity and grace. All through my life, I've been impressed with the women around me. I can't imagine that this is all that unusual, because I see it in other people's lives as well. I think I see a pattern here. I believe, as a general rule, women are just better people than men are.

When was the last time you heard about a vicious gang of girls? (Clearance sale shoppers don't count.) How many wars have been started and fought by women? How many female murderers have you heard of? How many times was the bank president who ran off with all the money a woman? I'm not saying that there aren't any truly bad women; I'm just saying that they are few and far between. Sure, I've met my share of bitches and I'm not naive enough to think that all women are kind, gentle creatures. However, I do think that women are the better half of the human race.

My wife is such a better person than I am, it's almost like I married outside my species. She's more spiritual than I am. She focuses her attention on the important things in life. I whittle my time away watching TV and worrying about money. She takes real joy from life's simple pleasures and appreciates them. I, on the other hand, can let bad traffic on the way home from work ruin an entire evening. She holds down a full-time job, takes care of me and the kids, cooks, cleans, does the shopping, remembers everyone's birthday, pays the bills, looks after the dog and cat, washes clothes and still has a smile on her face most of the time. I feel over-burdened when I have to take out the trash.

My wife and I have a game we play from time to time. We call it “What's Their Story?” . Usually while driving along, we pick an interesting looking stranger and try to guess what they're like. Based strictly on the person's appearance, we each try to sum up what that person is all about -- where they live, what kind of work they do -- whatever.

Today, as we were leaving the K-Mart parking lot, we saw a young man in his early twenties driving a ratty old Camaro with no license plate. He was wearing a baseball cap, an army-green T-shirt and just enough facial hair to look scruffy. My wife, Kimberly, initiated play by calling, “What's his story?”

Without hesitation, I said, “He subscribes to Soldier Of Fortune magazine; John Hinckley Jr. is his hero; he's seen Silence Of The Lambs 147 times; and someday soon we'll see him on the news.”

Kimberly, now disgusted with me, saw him differently. She said, “He's a devout Jehovah's Witness; he lives with and takes care of his sick grandmother; and the only reason he's out at all today is to refill her prescriptions and pick up some groceries.”

This clearly demonstrates the very core of our difference -- Kimberly is positive, I am negative. I have a theory that our entire universe is comprised of just two basic ingredients -- positive elements and negative elements. Good and evil. Light and darkness. Chocolate and spinach. Electrical energy comes from the potential created by opposing positive and negative charges. I think this is the fuel on which everything runs. Unfortunately, you can't have good without evil. There is no positive without negative. You don't realize how good you were feeling until you get a toothache. You can't stand opera until you've heard rap.

I guess this explains the purpose of men: we're just here to point out how bad women could be.

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