We’re living in the land of the do as you’re told and the home of the too scared to fly with shampoo. I didn’t think I could bear the sight of those people being murdered but I wasn’t surprised. We Americans spend a lot of time intentionally killing each other. Why would we be surprised that somebody else would want to kill us for awhile? It ain’t like we don’t deserve it. We’ve been sending people over there to kill them and their cousins for 50 years. When a lone nut goes crazy, that might just be a nut. But when large groups of men spend years methodically plotting their suicide just to get the casino chance to kill you, something must be wrong.

And while we’re at this, generally speaking, people don’t blow themselves up based on something they heard in Sunday School. They’ll use religion as an excuse for whatever it was they already wanted to do, but I can’t find many who have even bothered to read what their own religion believes. If religion is the problem, why did the terrorists who attacked us travel thousands of miles and pass by millions of Christians to get to us?

Do we want to put an end to this or do we want it to go on forever? Is this a Christian nation? If it is, then we should look for a solution, not revenge. If this is a Christian nation, then we should look for a solution, not global domination. On this point of foreign policy, President Obama is right. And let’s be clear, all the other points don’t really matter. In the written history of mankind and in the record book of God, the value of your 401K doesn’t mean a damned thing. On this point of foreign policy, President Obama is right. We won’t lay down but we must stand for justice. Or we will lose. God will see to it.

But wait a minute, don’t get too excited because the Obama administration is wrong about everything else. Dead wrong. And I mean, literally, clinically, dead wrong. The kind of dead wrong that you can’t clean up even if you sprayed it first with all natural Pam.

I sincerely believe that Obama is a good man. I really do. I cried when he was inaugurated and I yelled, “Amen!” for Reverend Lowery. I think every civil rights movie ever made should get a new ending with Obama and his family walking out onto the stage. Thank God, America is growing up. I think they elected a good man.

But Obama’s got himself mixed up with the wrong crowd. He’s listening to the “academics”. The ones who hung onto mama’s skirt tail, went off to school, and then never left. They just went straight to ruling everything. They’ve never had to face their own fallibility because they’ve never been wrong. Even when their answer doesn’t work, it’s still not wrong because they never have to prove what they believe in the real world. They’re always right by definition because they do the defining. Anybody can see for themselves that their teacher put a gold star right there on the top of their paper with three exclamation points!!!

When the smart people say, “Universal Health Care”, it just sounds like Christmas with a banana split doesn’t it? Let’s see, do I want health care to be free or do I want it to be super-expensive? Hmmm, cake or death? Wait a minute, I think I want it to be free! Yeah, that’s it! I definitely want it to be free. And perfect! After all, why should I spend two hundred bucks on my own health? I need that money for a better set of titanium golf clubs and yet another really cute pair of shoes.

When they say “Universal Health Care” you should think “Public Health Care”. And when you think “Public Health Care” you should think “Public Restroom.” If you think health care is unfair now, wait until you see how fair it is once “they’re paying for it.” It’ll be like the TSA and the IRS but with needles and really big suppositories. Go out to the airport right now, I dare you, and see what the hospital of the future looks like.

And it’s not going to be free. You know that, right? When they say “free health care” they really mean “working-people-funded health care.” They mean health care that you still pay for, but you have to pay extra to pay them to choose it for you. There’s no such thing as free health care. Someone will pay for it or it won’t exist. Someone will pay for the bricks and doctors and medicine. Or it won’t exist.

They say we spend more on health care than other countries and then they act like that’s a bad thing. Yes we do. We get lots of mammograms and have our prostates checked. We survive cancer at a high rate. We have a higher customer approval rating than any of the socialized countries. We may even have a little cosmetic surgery. Yes, we have problems that need to be addressed but spending more ain't one of them. We spend more because we want more and get more. We spend more because so many Americans grow old and don’t want to. We spend more because we have money and because it’s allowed. We spend more because we can. What should we be spending our money on? Campaign contributions? Maybe so if our hip replacements swivel around the next election. What will your free health care be like after George Next Bush is elected?

The human race can survive without health care. We did it for thousands of years with nothing more sophisticated than leeches and blood letting. And both of those are still very “affordable” by the way. Without food everybody dies. If health care for profit is immoral why isn’t food for profit immoral? Is it because we all secretly know that nobody feeds more poor people than McDonald’s? Here in this country, you can get better health care over the counter at three o’clock in the morning than is available in most of the world, better health care than was available anywhere not too long ago.

We’re not moving toward socialism. We’re moving to a dictatorship -- not in the next eight years, or even eighteen maybe, but soon enough. We’ve been getting the office of the President ready for a long time now. We’ve almost made it.

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